Sunday, July 20, 2008

Bisexuality: Why it bothers everyone

As a bisexual person I have often why we are so well disliked. A lot of gay people will openly admit to not wanting to date bi-people, some will state they do not believe bisexuality exist and others just wish we could pick a side and stick with it. Straight boys like femme bi-girls but only because it feeds into a sexual threesome fantasy, bi-boys are universally distrusted and often viewed as disease spreaders.

Bisexuality by itself does present several problems in the gay community, some of which I will address. I am sure heterosexuals have their own prejudices against us but quite frankly hetero prejudices are too boring for me to really delve into. "Hell, abomination, Leviticus, god hates fags" blah blah.. Seriously tiresome stuff.

The first problem that bisexuality presents is that it weakens the choice argument. The argument that homosexuality is innate, biological and immutable is somewhat threatened by bisexuals. Since bisexuals seem to make an apparent choice in the anatomy of their partners, the idea that homosexuality might be a choice needs to be addressed. I have several thoughts about this, one of which is while bisexuals do choose the gender of their partners, the fact that they are attracted to both genders is not a choice for them.

The second is that though we have gotten cornered by the right wingers into this choice argument, there is no moral imperative that says if we had a choice we should be straight. I do not believe that there is a categorical imperative that states if we have a choice we need to be heterosexuals. Quite simply, we don't. A lot of our thoughts and discussions in our community has been shaped because of our need to defend ourselves from fundamental religious bigots, and that is unfortunate. We don't have to be straight, just like black people don't have to be white, even if they had a choice in the matter. We protect choices all the time, such as religious choice. Since Christians choose to be Christians, are they really in any position to tell us that we cant exert choice over own bodies?

The other problem is whether or not one believes that bisexuals are really closeted gays. When I first heard this argument, I thought it was laughable however over the last 10 years I now at least understand where comes from. I was watching the show On the Down Low on Logo a few days ago, with all these gay boys claiming they were bisexual. Dude, really, no one buys that you are bi unless you are out. Bisexuality isn't and shouldn't be synonymous with being closeted. Seriously. So please gay people, come out. Don't take my identity to hide behind.

A friend of mine says that anytime some one says they don't believe in bisexuals he hits them over the head. When they question why he did that, he says it couldn't have happened since he doesn't exist, so clearly the person is imagining things and going crazy! I think this is a very funny and effective tactic.

Some gays will not date bi's, the rationale is that we are more promiscuous and more likely to cheat. Ummm.... yeah. I think the reality is that insecurity is ugly, and projection of said insecurity is uglier. Of course bisexuals cheat on their partners, as do monosexuals of every stripe. Cheating occurs for many reasons, sexual orientation isn't one of them. However if it makes you feel any better to project your insecurity on to me, I suppose you can. It might be healthier to get therapy though. Just a thought. Most gay people however do not indulge in such bigotry.

The idea of disease spreading gays and bi's deserves its own post since really it really has to do with homophobia, racism and several other factors.

4 comments:

Tirade said...

Yay, I'm quotable! :)

Sarah said...

Great, great piece! Being bi and in an open relationship (married to a strait male), the only women I've been with are also bi. I've never really been involved in the lesbian community, so my experiences are limited. I guess I can understand why a monogamous lesbian wouldn't want to date me, as long as no one tells me my feelings and experiences aren't legitimate. They are. My life and relationships work for both me and my partners. It's probably why labels are ridiculous most of the time. Some of are just sexual and social I suppose. I like hot, fun, smart PEOPLE.

admin said...

"Some gays will not date bi's, the rationale is that we are more promiscuous and more likely to cheat. Ummm.... yeah. I think the reality is that insecurity is ugly, and projection of said insecurity is uglier. Of course bisexuals cheat on their partners, as do monosexuals of every stripe. Cheating occurs for many reasons, sexual orientation isn't one of them. However if it makes you feel any better to project your insecurity on to me, I suppose you can. "

So people who don't want to date you are insecure and prejudice but all your petty reasons for not dating someone are okay? Nice hypocrisy.

admin said...

This is about race but it goes for anyone else like you who is so wrapped up in their own pain they refuse to recognize the pain of anyone else:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A5MPkDV3gDU